Slowing down
It's not a bad thing.
Three years ago, I turned down a high-paying job offer, quit my marketing gig, and enrolled in pastry school at a local community college. I wrote about it for Business Insider at the time, calling it “the best decision I ever made.” Outside of school, I was looking forward to slowing down, having more time to bake bread, cultivating hobbies, and getting to know my new city.
One degree, a life-changing back injury, and a cross-country move later, I don’t know if it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. But I can say that it changed my life fundamentally.
Baking has kept me grounded this first year in Portland. Over the late summer and early fall, I fell into a daily rhythm: Wake up, walk the dog, feed my starter, do my freelance work, go to the gym, make bread, eat lunch, shower, clean, read, make dinner. Rinse. Repeat. It’s been slow, simple, and manageable, which is good because I’ve been craving stability.
But somewhere in the last month, I fell out of this routine, as we all do eventually. I can’t tell you how many times I took my starter out of the fridge before the sun came up just to put it back in the fridge, untouched, by the time the sun set.
Still, over the weekend, I recoiled in horror when I discovered that my three-year-old starter had succumbed to mold. My slow, simple routine turned unmanageable in an instant. But I won’t act like I’m surprised. I know exactly why this happened: I accepted a job offer and wrote pages-long to-do lists of everything I need to get done before my start date. Between doctor’s appointments and the start of the holiday season, I stopped feeding my starter, stopped carving out time to make bread.
This week was actually my first at my new role. Surprise! I’ve joined a B2B marketing studio where I’ll be working on content strategy for brands in the food, grocery, restaurant, marketing, and retail spaces. On paper, it’s a dream job, though I mostly dream of being trapped in my high school’s lone hallway or missing a deadline for my college zine.
I’m choosing to take the death of my starer as a sign, not an omen. Yes, there’s a difference. An omen says the death of the starter means going corporate will smother my spirit.
A sign, on the other hand, is a reminder to slow down and build routines that serve me as I am in this present moment — not someone I aspire to be one day. It’s a sign that I was doing too much, already spreading myself too thin out of habit. Right now, I don’t have time to dedicate to sourdough, and that’s fine.
Or, I don’t know, maybe that’s just what I’m telling myself because it genuinely sucks that after taking great lengths to bring my starter across the country, I lost my starter due to my own lack of follow-through. Maybe I’ll make another one someday or buy a few ounces from a local bakery, but that feels like too much. For now, I’ll be eating toast on store-bought bread, and it’s fine.
Now, there’s one last piece of housekeeping for me to address: This newsletter. Don’t worry; I’m not going anywhere, but things are slowing down. Because I want to approach this intentionally and set goals I can actually achieve, I won’t be publishing original recipes for the time being. But I will continue to share a monthly roundup and essay. I hope you’ll read!
Now, let’s get into it.
What I’m Cooking
One of my favorite winter activities continues to be making harvest bowls and watching RHOSLC with Han and Maddie. Plus, it helps that I usually have leftovers for a few days.
Packing lunch never gets easier. I think I invented an even more time-consuming meal prep method this month. Every week, I made a different soup and froze half of the batch. I’m planning to defrost the soup as needed for pre-prepared office lunches or quick, easy dinners in December. My freezer is currently stocked with butternut squash soup, lentil soup, and chili.
We spent Thanksgiving in Beaverton with Han’s parents, Melissa, David, and Ryan. I made brown butter lentils, maple sweet potatoes, garlic green beans, rolls with extra-aged Tillamook cheddar and green onions, Italian sandwich cookies, and a marbled cheesecake.
I had some leftover cheese, so I made mac and cheese. One thing led to another, and suddenly we had a second Thanksgiving on Sunday and leftovers for days.
Sometimes I Go Out to Eat
We celebrated Han’s 31st birthday at Cafe Olli with their parents, Melissa, and David. I didn’t take a single picture of the meal (what’s new?), but the highlight was definitely dessert.
The next week, we headed to the coast for our honeymoon, which also happened to be our first wedding anniversary. Han and I stayed at the Inn at Otter Crest and ate at the on-site restaurant both nights.
On Friday, I accepted my job offer, and we split our favorite meal: Pizza, French fries, and a Caesar salad. The next night, I got fish and chips, and Han got a Tillamook grilled cheese. The fries were clearly very good.
We went out to eat a few other times this month, but I didn’t take any pictures, so I guess it didn’t happen.
What I’m Baking
I had a commission for cupcakes for a potential wedding cake, and I accidentally made Wicked.
I made two final loaves of sourdough with my starter, one plain and one with cinnamon sugar. The perfect sendoff, I think.
I froze a batch of sourdough CCCs, and now they are very precious to me, given the fate of my starter. I baked off some during our honeymoon and the night before I started my new job.
I also did some recipe testing for my first pop-up in Portland, which will be with my friend Moss at Alchemy on December 13.
If you’re local, stop by the market, say hi, grab a snack, and shop for handmade wares.
You’ll be hearing from me soon,
Suze